my simple life

2011-12-05T21:16:00.002+08:00

haha.. woah.. its been so long since i blogged =p

lot of stuff goin on.. especially personally.. but all in all.. i can summarize to say that God is indeed good =) no no.. God is awesome! =)

although i cant see or hear anythin super obvious.. its really comforting to know and being told by pastor durin altar call that He's here wit me through it all.. through it all =)

through it all =)

no one said that it would b easy.. i doubt so too.. but God's dealin wit me slowly but surely.. =)

2011-11-21T17:57:00.003+08:00

cant believe that im goin from anorexia to bulimia =O

i repeat.. no more undereating/overeating.. especially overeating.. okie fine especially undereating.. no no.. i say both.. coz the former triggers the latter..

omg.. so so so so so so so uncomfortable.. =O >< >< ><

never again.. JESS! NEVER AGAIN SHALL YOU TORTURE URSELF LIKE THIS..

i hav lost all appetite for EVERYTHING.. not even dim sum is appealing AT ALL..

still tryin to find out the root of the problem.. like seriously..

and.. i shall keep reminding myself this : love God love life love others and love urself =)

I AM OFFICIALLY SO DANG FULL THAT I HAV NO SUITABLE WORDS TO EVEN EXPRESS

honestly.. i hav a very strong urge to purge.. not becoz i feel guilty but more of a way too full stomach that cant contain.. ><

2011-11-09T20:22:00.002+08:00

eatin an amount of medication like candy ><

i sooo want to cut my throat off.. can it not b this torturous? ='(

oh Lord, pls help me ='(

2011-10-24T15:14:00.008+08:00

im gonna take my last day of sem break to write this post.. =p ahh.. where do i even start?

this sem break had been a really really good one.. very fulfilling.. very meaningful =) okie although i did spent a few/quite a number of days chilling/(dying of boredom) at home.. it was very meaningful.. a lot of first time-s =)

get ready for a superrrrrrrrrrrrr long post =p

so allow me to break this into points:

1. firstly.. i met up wit an old high skol bestie.. wan jing.. went pavi wit her.. watched johnny english, makan etc.. hadnt hung out wit her for ages =p

2. after she left.. watched a movie ALL BY MYSELF for the FIRST TIME! =) i watched cars 2.. nice.. was indecisive btw planet of the apes and cars 2.. but decided to watch a cartoon coz of the humor =p and no.. watchin a movie alone is NOT saddening.. its fun.. all the more fun when the whole cinema had only like 6 ppl includin me =)

3. went to taylors lakeside to giv another old bestie, janine, a bday suprise! =) all thanks to amelia.. i had promised to go lakeside to visit her for months but didnt get to do it until 27th sept =) had an awesomeee time of steamboating wit my two old besties (jan and cwen) and mr suren and amelia and cyndy (new frens =) ).. and i got to eat the awesomest homemade cheesecake ever! =) and i got to watch a live interactive magic show right in front of me.. =O as in one guy performing jux for the group of 7 of us =) tried very hard to see through his tricks but i guess im jux too slow to catch it.. suren was laughin all the way.. hmph =p went to play pool after that.. hadnt played for months =p

4. i managed to read finish 3 novels =) hehehe.. the time traveler's wife, the last song and for one more day.. all also very very nice! =) but the only down side is to read one book after another so soon made me got a bit mixed up wit the characters and the stories.. hahhaa.. but a tiny winy bit only la =p chilled a lot at home doin this.. sittin on the sofa facing the green garden.. ahh the absolute bliss =)

5. went to spend a few days wit my grandma at her house.. =) it was lovely to spend the day there for the first time w/o studying.. jux chill, watch tv and chat wit my grandma and the maid.. had many conversations wit her.. and i managed to dig out a few stories abt her past, her marriage, etc.. she never stopped lovin me since young.. last time i used to spend my weekdays after skol at her place.. so after so many years the right thing to do would b to spend more days wit her in return =) btw i used to play around wit animals like chickens and dogs and cats there =p

6. a week after i spent some days wit my grandma.. she was admitted into the hospital.. she was there for 17 days.. in and out of icu.. in again and again was becoz she was too weak to survive when she came out of icu.. was a very worring period.. let me elaborate more.. =)

she was at first admitted into the hospital coz she couldnt urinate.. they said she had urinary tract infection.. then one day i went there to take care of her.. ltr that day she went for a CT scan.. then found out hours ltr that her intestines burst.. and she needed surgery immediately.. my mom and aunts were super worried.. coz its like way toooo risky for a surgery but she needs it.. they were decidin whether or not to take the chance.. the doc said to leave it w/o surgery, she may pass away in abt 3 days.. to go for surgery she might jux pass away on the surgery bed.. in the end she went for surgery.. but we had to wait for her super weak heart to b stable first b4 surgery.. so the docs gav her some meds and all in the icu..

after spending the nite til 3am in the hospital.. we decided to head back home to rest.. after half a day stabilizing her heart.. she went in for surgery that morning at abt 10am..

we were all really really worried.. coz she is already so super old.. she almost cant walk at all anymore.. she had a weak heart and body.. the doc said its a super high risk surgery as she may not wake up from the anesthetics.. or hav other infections etc.. but the worst is to think that she might not hav the will to live anymore.. since she's always in so such physical pain and old edi..

ltr on we found out that it was her appendix that had burst.. and thank God she woke up half a day ltr.. =) thus begun the in and out of icu procedure.. and one day she even went unconscious.. that was scary =O

but thank God seriously that now she's at home.. still on the bed.. but gettin stronger =) i totally admire her faith in Jesus.. b4 she went in for surgery, we were all prayin for her and she was like yes yes Jesus pls help me.. she knew that her hope was really on Jesus.. it really touched me to see even despite all the pain and uncertainties, we all know that we hav a future eternity life wit Jesus.. no matter wat, we still hav hope in Him =) and to see that first hand how it feels to be so close to death, the realization really really hit.. =)

i can tell you one thing.. my grandma.. is really the strongest person ever(mentally).. literally =) i admire that abt her a lot =) amazing..

and our God is simply jux amazing! =) i was readin the Bible durin the first few days after surgery..

according to James 1:27 - Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

and when she was unconscious, i was like 'God, you said widows and orphans.. so im gonna claim this promise.. that i can still take care of her and she will survive this.. she will b ok..' and she did =) this recovery and testimony of my grandma proves how great is our God! =) and that His promises stand =) and God made me realize how selfish i am..

7. i met sarah roberts and lydia gan in the hospital.. =p sarah was working there and lydia was doin her masters attachment there.. soooo coincidental that i met them one after another on the only day i was there.. =)

8. first time goin to the hospital soo many times

9. first time seein sooo many ppl in soooooooo much terribly awful pain.. i think the saddest ward is the old ppl's ward.. coz its like.. the end edi.. to live a bit longer or not to live.. kesian gao =( and realizin that you may feel that you're jux a doc carryin out ur job.. but to the patients and their families, you're all the hope they hav..

10. how scary it is to walk alone in the basement of the hospital and seein the bilik mayat sign.. to then only realize that you're definitely on the wrong floor.. =p

11. to get lost at nite in the hospital! =O =O =O

12. baked a loaf of bread! =p and fyi it was good okayyy =p

13. played wit esther an old imaginary game i used to play when i was young =p

14. i got an attachment in the pharmacy of watson's klcc! =) after waitin for the whole sem to get a job.. i finally managed to get this durin the last 2 weeks.. =) and this was totally a proof of God's will.. =) had been prayin for the most suitable job for me.. was thinkin of being a waitress and all.. but when i declined hukm's offer.. i started to email retail pharmacies.. and the very next morning.. the lady called.. =O i applied for 3 locations from watsons.. and now i can say thank God that He gav me klcc.. the perfect place literally.. coz they had like 80% foreigners there.. perfect to prepare me for uk.. =) learnt a lot durin my time there.. and thank God i came here instead of a hospital =) thank God for the ppl there as well.. =)

i was really worried on the nite b4 my first day.. coz its my first job ever.. at first i was really excited then i started to think a lot.. lol.. but God is ever so awesome again =) on fb i subscribed for msges from God a few days ago.. then the msg for that morning was 'if you see a job, take it, its yours'.. =) i was like =O =O =O!!! and devotion that nite was 'do not worry'.. when i first saw the title for my devotion, i was like 'oh Lord =)'.. God is soooooo indescribably awesomeeeeeeeee! =) =) =)

15. i drove in a massive traffic jam home! =) now who said i couldnt survive in a jam huh? =p

16. took the lrt from klcc back.. and i had 3 encounters that proved God's timing is PERFECT =)

(i) on the first day of the lrt ride, my mom was fetchin me from the station near her office.. but not sure wat time exactly.. i tried to call her the whole day but apparently her hp's batt died.. so i waited til quite late in klcc then decided to jux take the lrt back.. since first time take lrt from klcc all by myself, i was nervous abt a lot of stuff.. lol.. after changing stations etc, when i arrived at the destinated station, when i jux seriously ngam ngam stepped out of the lrt, my mom called.. =O

(ii) this time my dad was fetchin me.. i was supposed to go to another station.. so as i stood in front of the lrt map figurin out how to go, when i ngam ngam stepped away to go buy tix, my hp vibrated.. i checked.. eh my dad smsed and called me awhile ago and i didnt realize.. apparently he changed the location.. God's timing =O

(iii) as i queued at the super long line, i decided to sms my dad to tell him i was gonna leave klcc edi.. then he told me to wait.. i was like 'wait at the station? for wat?' so i called.. i was up next at the queue.. so i gav my space to one lady behind me.. then my dad told me to wait at klcc.. and this all happened jux seriously right b4 i was goin to buy my tix.. God's timing =O

17. went for my first book fair =) awesomeeeee! =) big bad wolf's book fair.. although its my first, i know that its really good.. most of the novels were rm8! =O grab-worthy! =p but i only bought 2.. coz the total looked a lot so i cut a few books away =( all thanks to esther.. seriously =) she entered this contest on fb.. where you create a wallpaper to win preview passes for two.. as in we get to go in the fair a day earlier.. and she got it! =) we went together.. sat the bus in that area and all.. niceeee experience wit lil sis.. hehee =)

18. after muet's speaking, i rushed to klcc to work.. i was at kp.. as i stood by the busy road waving and waving, i realised its seriously not easy to catch a cab =O most of the cabs were always occupied.. so i stood there for like more than 15 mins.. tellin myself oh patience patience.. coz i prayed for a good cab coz i dont wanna get kidnapped and all =p wait wait wait.. sigh.. impatient edi coz i was seriously very late.. then one drop of rain fell on me.. i looked up and said 'OH NO NOT NOW! =('.. at that precise moment, a cab pulled over! =O yet again.. God's timing is wayyyyyyy awesome! =)

19. went for another movie alone =p watched real steel wit salad and corn after my last day at watsons.. a way to reward myself.. good movie good food.. i was a very very happie girl =)

20. met a malay guy at watsons.. woah.. leng zai! hahhahhaha.. seriously.. his eyes are sooo prettyy =) and another malay guy who kept calling me ah moi.. lol.. =p sigh.. some ppl that are in ur live jux for awhile.. and most probably you'll never meet them again..

21. went for one hike after sooo long.. =O missin those days when i could go hikin so easily =)

22. went for supper wit church peeps for the first time after church cg =)

23. went to see jayesslee!!!!! =) went to see them for FREE at city harvest church.. awesomee.. that church is so big =O and janice and sonia are really talented and sweet.. thank God for these kind of ppl and events.. where a lot of non christians come to see 'celebrities' and get saved in the end! =) praise God for these ppl =)

24. drove out for lunch wit cwen.. ehhe.. first time drivin her around and hav lunch wit her =)

25. seriously thank God for my uni results.. i prayed for at least a 70 for both physiology.. i was really doubting it coz i barely passed my class test.. but God reminded me again like how He did for SAM - trust in Him.. its better to trust Him than not to at all.. trust in wat you've prayed for that He'll give it to you.. and true enough.. He blessed me wit both 70++ =) =) =)

26. chatted wit my old maths tuition teacher (who's my neighbour) after so long.. met her when i went joggin jux now.. she was the one who helped me get A+ for both maths in spm.. =O it was literally impossible.. i used to fail my maths paper.. LOL =p thank God thank God for everythin =)

sigh.. =) all in all.. all glory to God.. for every single thing.. He made this break a really good one =)

2011-10-01T19:17:00.002+08:00

as i see these ppl goin out together.. im thinkin.. i dont hav anymore.. i miss those times where i can easily find a partner for anythin.. most of the time.. now.. its hard..

2011-09-17T15:50:00.002+08:00

aahhhhhhhhhh.. i cant take it anymore.. everyday.. wake up.. study.. eat.. study.. sleep.. study.. eat.. study.. sleep.. possible exercise.. shower.. study.. eat.. study..

yes see i cant list down exactly wat i do everyday..

ok la.. got slots of tv and internet everywhere =p and goin out here and there sometimes.. =p

but no no.. im not fed up wit you yet physio.. dear dear physio.. whom i've been datin for 3 weeks plus.. i should luv you all the more.. especially now..

after all those hours of studyin.. it all comes down to 2 hours.. =O

i want blue skyyyyY! =( =( =(

okie fine.. coz i wanna go out jogging/hiking..

i miss the awesome fresh air.. =(

okiee.. back to studyin..

2011-09-13T22:31:00.003+08:00

aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

sieennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

but yes i enjoy studyin.. its jux that everythin's so monotonous and ritual-like =(

im feelin so blurr and monotonous

2011-09-11T22:15:00.002+08:00

i know that i would be vulnerable.. but i didnt know i was this vulnerable.. omg jess.. get a grip! ><

tssskkkkk.. i think its jux an excuse.. no i dont think.. i know its jux an excuse.. lol.. omg.. so naive.. lol.. =p

2011-09-10T19:52:00.003+08:00

you see you see.. i knew once i start i cant stop =( >< >< ><

horrible satiety centre.. faster get satisfied la!

yes yes.. its all in the mind.. =O sighh.. control control wei..

why am i stressed up abt this? tskkk.. i think i know why.. but why cant i seem to find the balance? why must i go for the extremes? balance balance.. sigh sigh sigh..

2011-09-08T20:51:00.002+08:00

i jux realised.. im scared again.. i havent hav this in a reallyy long time.. =o here we go again? no.. i know that im not gonna start anythin anyhow.. not now.. not in a year plus..

hahha.. bein super sensitive again.. tskk..

2011-09-08T11:21:00.002+08:00

actually come to think of it.. i never had that feeling.. not at all.. hmm.. then wat was i holdin on to? =o

and yea its like im free again to discover.. lol.. wat a word to use.. free =p

haha.. and i was utterly shocked of that incident yesterday.. was seriously =O =O =O after all the assumptions and accusations and minor self inflicted probs.. this comes to prove that you know.. everythin's ok.. and yea no matter how far or how long someone's been away.. they're still in ur life.. =)

oh well.. gotta get back to physio =)

honestly cant wait for scotland =)

2011-09-06T16:43:00.001+08:00

weather.. pls pls pls get better asap.. i wanna go outtttt! =(

lol.. its been like wat? one week plus.. and i've started eatin like how i havent been in a long long time.. lol.. and it started off wit that mcflurry! =p

satiety centre gone hay wired edi.. no matter how much i eat im still hungry.. i think my stomach stretch receptors overstretched until cannot send signals to my brain edi =O (too much physio)

horrible.. now the weather's not helpin either.. oh nooooo =(

nap also restless.. dont nap also restless.. so wat am i supposed to do? =O

eeyeerr so annoying..

i dont wanna mess up things.. so i think i shall stop doin anythin to one and start explainin a lot to another..

sigh.. very sien ar.. i wanna go outttttt.. i want my fresh air back ><

2011-09-01T15:30:00.003+08:00

did you know how amazingly beautiful msia is? =O

i seriously like lookin at the scenery along the highway when im comin back from hometown.. its seriously like =O omg sooooo preetyyy! the mountains the sky the clouds everything! =)

God is so so so so so so so amazing! =) and He uses nature as one of the factors for us to realise how awesome He is and to adore Him and praise Him =)

somethin caught me yesterday.. =) i was studyin studyin studyin in my cousin's house.. but seriously very sien edi.. then my younger cousin sis asked

'why are you studyin this?'

'coz that i can giv you medicine next time lo'

lol.. such simple words and yet.. i realized.. yea.. im studyin not to pass.. not only to get my degree.. but so that i can provide for ppl next time.. excel not for myself.. but for God and His ppl =)

mmm.. yea.. settling in edi =) sigh yes it is still everywhere.. lol.. the min i reached my cousin's house i saw their new car and i was like sigh again.. lol.. =p

but yea.. i've thought abt this also.. better is yet to come.. even better is ahead.. all of us need change.. so that the best can come =)

sigh i wonder..

lol.. i didnt know it means this much to me.. or does it? hmmm.. i find myself very good at inflicting stuff on myself and overthinkin things.. tsk.. actually i wonder wat my daily thoughts are mainly abt? lol..

lol.. anyways.. i hav a new perspective and im glad =)

okie.. study study study! =)

2011-08-28T21:53:00.004+08:00

absence

its literally everywhere

i guess when compared to the previous

previously i was well prepared and well ready wit all the emotions and all.. satisfied coz i've given up everythin..

this time im not

its like it suddenly dawned on me that it already happened

coz you didnt make it and didnt want to make it feel like it

so when i stand back in reality.. there we go.. missing pieces here and there..

once it starts it wont stop

i think i dont like changes.. lol..

lol.. sigh.. so mui.. why am i takin it this way? there's no need for this till this extent.. but aiya.. its normal de la.. for me its normal.. since it happened last time also..

giv me a few days.. i'll b okie again.. =) im glad =) no no its not saddening.. it is to a certain point.. but i guess i jux need a lil time to readjust =)

but i wanna thank God for everythin.. especially for the sudden temporary last opportunity.. =)

but yes yes.. till we meet again =) its not the end =)

2011-08-26T18:27:00.002+08:00

i still cant find the motivation.. to pick up that pen and write..

is this really it? thats all?

its like i've asked.. and dont get.. and im whining abt it..

no.. its for the best i know =)

yes its happening too fast too soon..

but yet i've been prepared months ago..

but yet.. im so not..

in less than a year.. two of ur closest peeps left.. yes thank God there's technology.. but still.. its not the same..

not the same can be good and bad at the same time.. it takes two efforts to make it work out.. im jux worried that wat if there's only one effort made?

but life's like that no? ppl come and go.. you continue on wit ur life.. hav new experiences.. but the footsteps they've made remains wit you forever.. although its stuck at that one period of time only..

but im glad.. that in the end.. all of us are still together =)

=)

2011-08-25T21:00:00.003+08:00

urs truly does not understand why.. eventhough she sleeps earlier day by day.. she is still tired jux the same.. ><

me is gonna sleep even earlier today.. =) stats war tmrw =O

no i dont feel numb.. i jux.. dunno wat to do anymore.. lol.. so yes yes.. i appreciate this 'stay still and let God move' quote =)

coz i cant do anythin anymore.. i've tried.. but since nethin's working out or i dunno wats goin on.. again.. so.. wait la..

the end of the race is the same.. the finishin line is still the same.. everythin now.. is jux a whole lot of everythin.. lol.. but Jesus at the end is worth every bit of everythin =)

try. wrong. change. move on. =)

i havent even started writing.. =o needa gather and organize myself first =)

2011-08-23T21:03:00.001+08:00

im sorae.. if im doin it again.. but i would really appreciate replies..

and can you stop thinkin abt it that way?

tsk

thank God im not rushin my assignment dateline tmrw =)

hav to stop being preoccupied.. i've got so much to learn =)

2011-08-20T22:11:00.002+08:00

i really really thank God that that period of time is over.. =) pheww.. was so dark then.. lol..

too tired to think explain anythin.. but i shall simplify it all now..

God has a plan.. and His plan is perfect.. and God is plainly jux amazingly indescribably awesome! =) =) =)

sigh.. Lord im so proud of You =) (can i say this actually? =p)

2011-08-16T21:39:00.001+08:00

i am honestly havin a bittersweet time doin my assignments =) when im doin this without rushing, im actually enjoyin researchin and doin case scenarios =p shocker =O

2011-08-14T22:49:00.002+08:00

especially during this time.. let

chains be broken

lives be healed

eyes be open

Christ be revealed =)

its really really heartachin ><

and thank God that =)

2011-08-13T22:30:00.002+08:00

so close yet so far.. so is that it?

it

cant be

2011-08-13T11:05:00.002+08:00

its not easy to know that.. everyday is a day less.. every meet is a meet less.. every sight is a sight less.. every chat is a chat less.. every smiley is a smiley less.. every thing is reducing every second..

and you jux cant do anythin abt anythin

its comin so close too fast

sigh.. here we go all over again..

=)

2011-08-12T19:07:00.001+08:00

that jux made my day =)

2011-08-11T21:13:00.000+08:00

binge eatin ><

2011-08-11T15:09:00.002+08:00

me is gonna go hiking.. for the first time without you.. lol.. so imagine only how many times i went hikin.. so cham ryt =p

and i realized im gettin addicted to usin this =O

=O =p

friday's comin sooonnn! =O another week.. gone =O

=)

im waitin for me to get back to normal again =) actually i dont hav to wait ryt.. i can start now.. wats holdin me back? myself apparently and obviously.. thats y 'you are ur own worst enemy'.. tsk tsk.. =p

2011-08-09T18:05:00.003+08:00

after seein my uni fren/frens being so boy crazy over this guy whom we've seen/somewat met once.. LOL =p it made me realize again.. that its been soooo long since i felt that way.. like when you c a guy and you'll go '*gasp* i must get to know that guy! he's leng zai wei..' and hav all the lil crushes and nervousness and random happiness etc.. =p

havin lil crushes on random guys that doesnt go anywhere at all.. hahhahahaa.. yea its been so long since.. i cant even remember when was the last time i felt that way.. =O

and even checkin out random guys in the mall or restaurant or wheresoever.. and when he actually looks at you you'll go '*gasp' he looked at me!'.. LOL.. wahh when in the whole wide world was the last time i did or felt that man? =p

LOL.. so wat now? im missin out on the simple happiness of life? =p

nah dont think so.. and i dont really mind actually.. =)

and i cant continue to be someone im not.. it drains me.. moderation yes i need that.. but how.. hmmmmmm..

and the msgs from God app in fb.. superrrrr accurate! =O 3 times in a row for me.. directly hit on target wat i was feelin on that day.. 4 times for ca =O God is amazing! =)

2011-08-08T14:49:00.002+08:00

the previous post was my 333th post.. =O

=p

aww.. some ppl/person =p jux stays in ur heart no matter wat and where they are =)

so so so blessed to hav you..

you could b searchin ur whole life for that special frenship.. the one whom you can connect w/o even makin an effort.. the one that you wont get bored of eventhough you spent literally >95% of the whole year together.. like a once in a lifetime frenship..

and i've found it =)

hahahahahaa.. im sooo gonna write this to you.. =p

2011-08-07T21:56:00.002+08:00

i dunno wat im doin or feelin actually.. its like its the right thing to do but it doesnt feel right..

yesss... i found the perfect phrase =p

its like the right thing to do but it doesnt feel right

lol..

actually can i ask for the assurance from you that everythin's ok? =)

okieee.. no more holidaying.. back to business..

stats.. foundation pharm.. cvs.. essay.. karangan.. lectures.. here i come =)

2011-08-04T13:59:00.003+08:00

running through blogs/tumblrs of unknown ppl who are known by those i know =p

and yeaa everyone has their story =)

haha..

you know wat.. although we cant see wats ahead of us.. when we're blinded to our ways.. thats why we need to listen.. listen more intently to wat God wants to say..

like the blind folded game.. where you need ur fren to tell you where to go and how much you should turn or how many steps you should take to reach ur destination.. yea.. God is like that voice.. =)

i see nethin changing.. except myself =) and im ok wit that =) okie honestly for now =p

i really really like this phrase spoken by uncle oh last nite..

'grace.. remember that grace? =) '

yes yes i remember =) and that placed a genuine smile on my face after so long =)

sigh.. God is so amazingly awesomely wonderful =)

2011-08-03T15:15:00.004+08:00

心淡了

when you know that someone would always b there for you.. you'll tend to take that person for granted..

2011-08-02T19:29:00.002+08:00

everythin feels so messed up.. feels.. i dunnno whether they really are or not.. and i realised how easy it is to b blinded by that lil cloud.. that you cant seem to see anythin beyond ur circumstances.. like everythin's revolving around all those problems.. and man i can really overthink things.. lol..

so many stuff to do.. so lil time.. plus the sudden realization of the pile of assignments here.. and im stressed out coz im only doin them half heartedly.. everythin's comin all at the same time..

but

after a well needed jog wit God.. it feels that bit much better =)

take things one by one.. solve them one by one.. dont look at them as a whole.. break them down and do one by one..

only God understands wat you're feeling.. He even understands it better than urself.. only He can help and He WILL help.. jux commit everythin especially the ones that are uncontrollable to Him..

He is wit you.. as long as you hav Him.. everythin will b okie.. =) the God of all creation and majesty and every possible awesomeness is wit you.. rest assured that you'll b okie =)

God is amazing! =)

i wont say that i feel 100% ok but i know i will b and i know i can b and i know i at least feel 80% better =)

and to make this easier.. i know i need good well rested sleeps =)

2011-07-25T18:28:00.003+08:00

hi =)

haha.. actually a lot of things that needs to b planned are kinda messed up now.. okie okie jess.. get organized!

i realized.. a lot of emotional problems arise from urself.. okie even though the person involved played somewat a part.. but still it is urself who's hurtin urself when the other person aint doin anythin anymore.. okie fine mayb the not doin anythin anymore is one of the prob.. but still..

okie not makin sense.. erm..

in a nutshell.. you are your own enemy..

there..

but =)

God said to handle me and His relationship first.. before handling any other relationships or relationship problems.. everythin will fall into place.. eventually =)

i cant do anythin.. so.. i wont do anythin.. place it all into God's hands =)

cant believe im still stuck wit this.. stuck wit myself actually.. grr.. okie okie.. go go God! =)

God is sooo awesome! =)

when you dunno where to go, how to go or wat to do.. His Word says:

'I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you' -- Psalm 32:8

sigh.. God is perfect =)

but anyways.. im very very well blessed =)

very very blessed indeed =)

2011-07-19T19:11:00.001+08:00

cant and wont deny that.. everytime i write the date of the day.. i sigh..

sigh.. i dunno wat im doin..

2011-07-18T18:04:00.002+08:00

sittin on the bed.. leaning against a fluffy pillow.. in front of the window.. wit jux the right amount of light.. water bottle and hp next to me.. novel in hand.. worry-free..

perfect =)

2011-07-15T10:28:00.002+08:00

next week im gonna go all out man.. tak boleh tahan anymore.. hmphh..

and i simply jux luv that God knows exactly how to deal wit me/each of us.. seriously.. He really knows how to put certain things/circumstances into our lives at certain times to allow us to learn certain things.. and after those things you'll go like ooo now i know why they were there in the first place.. =)

i was being over content.. i felt really comfortable where i was.. and although it slowly faded away i still felt content.. so God had to put one whole bunch of situations into my life to pull me back to Him.. one whole bunch as in really a whole bunch listing from physical to mental to spiritual.. til the point i said i really really really cannot do this without you Lord.. forgive me..

and God's grace and luv is ever so.. so amazing.. that no matter how many times in the whole wide world you've broken His heart.. He WILL still take you back in.. coz we're all washed clean becoz of Jesus' blood.. He still luves you and He still wants you back.. He doesnt go like oh you've strayed from Me, I shall giv u a hard time for that.. oh no no.. He accepts you for who you are.. sigh.. aint God amazing? =)

and shouldnt sick ppl eat less? why am i eatin more? =(

even the simplest thing can make you smile =)

and thanks for the memories.. coz they'll jux remain as that.. i dont totally blame you for being like this.. i was being super ridiculous last time.. i looked back.. yea it was wayyy too much.. if i was in ur shoes i dunno wat i'd do either.. so go ahead.. pretend we were never close b4.. its a consequence i gotta take for my actions..

and thus becoz of that.. thank you too.. that i didnt and wont repeat it again this time around =)

2011-07-14T21:03:00.002+08:00

after seein a surgeon today in the hospital.. apparently not only do i hav lymph node infection.. which is almost all gone now..

i also hav Tonsillitis.. o.o

and IF it doesnt get well soon.. i hav to go for surgery to remove it.. OoO

PRAY PRAY PRAY that it gets well soon.. =)

and today i saw the CUTEST KID EVER! =) =) =)

i was at the pharmacist in the hospital.. then at the side they were sellin lil kids stuff.. toys etc..

hahahahhahahahaa.. then the kid was like

'WOAH!! *opens hands out-wide* *mumbles to self superr excitedly*'

like literallly and utterly amazed!

HAHHAHAHHAA.. SOOOOOO CUTEEEEEEEEEEEEE! =) =) =)

then he was at the candy counter.. his eyes were like O.O.. literally STARING at the candies so closely like O.O.. LOLLOLOL! sooooooo cuteeeeeeeeee! =) =) =)

then he dropped his hat on the floor.. and he had a super blur look that indicated that he didnt know he dropped it.. then i picked it up and put it back on his head.. awwwwwwwww sooooooooooo cuteeeeeeeeeeeee! =) super big eyed malay dude.. sooooo cuteeeee! =) =) =)

2011-07-13T18:51:00.001+08:00

im sick of being sick

but on the bright side.. im done wit uni for the whole week! =)

2011-07-11T18:34:00.002+08:00

sick.. tired.. stressed stressed.. restless.. drained..

yea the pain on my neck has reduced.. but not the lump and i feel sick-er.. fever come and go.. pain here and there come and go.. sore throat worsening.. so yea.. yaayy it feels so awesome..

faster recover laaa.. i wanna go exercise laaaaaaaa.. hmphhh =(

sigh..

and oh.. seriously.. thank you for helpin me realize how much this frenship means to you.. not even a single word.. not even a greeting.. not even a chat.. not even anythin.. made me really realize that it was so totally not worth it but yet worth it.. coz of wat i gained from that.. thats that.. im done..

*shakes head* ppl come and go.. treasure those who actually makes an effort to stay even though they left..

haha.. emo post again le.. =p coz i feel anti social these few days.. arrghh.. faster get well..

2011-07-09T22:10:00.000+08:00

dang.. feverish again.. rashes on shoulder.. okkaaaaayyyyyy.. pray pray

2011-07-09T13:16:00.002+08:00

so vague

so uncertain again

and its becoz we didnt put in enough becoz we cant so we wont

not worth the.. or is it?

to whoever if there is a whoever who's readin this.. pls do pray for my health.. lymph node swollen.. its much less painful yes but there's still a lump.. need 3 jabs.. took one.. sigh.. actually im not sure whether this is serious or not.. lol.. coz the doc was like.. ok la dont want to scare you but if really really serious then tuberculosis.. and i was like OoO!!! waaattt???!!

but no la.. i think he's jux joking.. coz there's nethin wrong wit my lungs..

cheh.. scare me half to death..

checked up the antibiotics that he gav.. scared me half to death again.. but the med is sorta makin me feel blur.. or mayb im tired.. nah i think its the med..

lesson learnt.. dont accept every fact so easily.. you'll get urself paranoid..

such an irony that im here at home now.. sighh.. want to burn calories end up 'partially sick' pula..

=)

2011-07-06T14:48:00.003+08:00

i realized everytime when i stop exercising.. i tend to want to eat a lot a lot.. >< bad bad bad! =(

the feeling of a hungry tummy even though i stuffed it full is back.. oh nooo.. dannggg.. =(

pls go awaayyyyyy false tummy alert

2011-07-05T17:45:00.003+08:00

faster grow back faster grow back! =) havent had it this short since.. since high school.. o.o

haha.. man that i remember.. always kena cakap by discipline teacher/teachers/band members.. and tried lookin for ways to accelerate growth.. hahhahhaa.. well here i am again.. =p

whoshh.. insecurity.. shoo shooo =)

and i dont like the fact that some ppl.. are constantly havin that mindset/perspective on my family.. sigh.. mayb its jux me.. but i dont really think so..

haha.. realized that this place is like the place for me to crap wateva i want out of my mind.. yea duh thats wat blogs are for ryt..

ahh see i jux did it again =p

2011-07-05T17:40:00.001+08:00

jux becoz we dont say certain things
doesnt mean that we dont feel them

(quoted off somewhere)

2011-07-05T17:39:00.001+08:00

dear fringe.. i miss you already =( it should b half of wat i hav now and wat i had to make it perfect now.. argh.. ppl will never be satisfied would they? =p

2011-07-02T20:46:00.002+08:00

the most assuring and heart warming sentence:

'its ok, im here'

twice

=)

2011-06-27T15:48:00.002+08:00

that feelin when.. nethin at all is wrong.. but it still feels strangely horrible.. a blur? lack of sleep? stressed? work load?

feeling monotonously moody

grr.. feelin anti social..

i bet if i take a nap i'd get a headache.. but i feel sleepy.. grr..

dear jessica.. wats wrong wit you? ><

to make things worse.. WHERE IS MY PAN MEE GUY?! =( now how in the whole wide world am i gonna satisfy that craving?

2011-06-18T15:41:00.002+08:00

ooo.. so contradicting.. so conflicting..

but im not confused =)

okiee i wanna say somethin unrelated.. if someone isnt interested to b in ur life then jux let them b.. hav i not let go entirely yet? impossible.. it wasnt easy but im prettyy sure that i did a very long time ago.. okie mayb its not letting go thats bothering me.. mayb there is still unforgiveness? o.o

anyway i would still like to state.. if the past was rough till the extent that it was almost almost horrible and the present is bittersweet then i cant wait for the future =)

im jux glad that God knows exactly how to deal wit me =)

2011-06-15T16:04:00.002+08:00

im honestly missing you so so so so so so so much person! =')

really missing our times together.. you're like the bestest best fren anyone could ever ask for =)

2011-06-13T22:13:00.003+08:00

ahhhh.. horrible mv.. i didnt mean it till that extent.. i luv that song k.. dont think so much.. jess dont think so much also..

=x

2011-06-11T22:59:00.000+08:00

你愛得好有趣就像一個編劇

awesomest hike ever! =)

2011-06-09T22:11:00.002+08:00

fear of failure is failure itself

i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me =)

*takes deep breath*

game on! =)

2011-06-06T21:19:00.003+08:00

wo shen qi ni.. hmppphhh..

although i know there's no reason at all why i should b =)coz i know the reason behind it and other stuff =)

im sorae.. i jux wanna RANT =p

2011-06-05T22:36:00.001+08:00

its funnie how some things turn out to b =)

2011-06-04T14:56:00.004+08:00

i think im becomin more and more blur.. not to say i wasnt blur in the first place.. but its worsening.. nooooooooo.. i cant and shan't let that happen.. but first i gotta find the root of this problem.. hmmmm..

i know where i got my fear of doing something i know i dont know.. that fear of letting ppl down.. coz i've gone through that way too many times for soo many years and now it's a phobia.. that guilt that look that feel i get.. its no stranger to me.. but yes i still do agree that through those things i've learnt a lot.. but this this phobia.. i gotta deal wit this one.. oh Lord.. pls help me wit this =)

gotta take on more challenges.. take on more unexpected stuff.. come come! first and foremost i would like to apologize if i were to disappoint you ppl in any way.. though i will try to do my best.. but yea take my apology in advance =) but you shall not hav to accept that apology coz you wont hav to.. okie not makin sense using words alone =p

actually i wonder.. who am i writing for to see huh? LOL.. anywho.. i like that this is my ranting place =)

rant rant rant! =p

and ryt after i typed that i went to google the definition of rant and i found out that rant isnt the appropriate word.. lol.. and the word 'rant' has been abused-ly used by many.. =p

anywayssss =)

there are some personal issues i wanna change.. gonna change myself =) yayy to that but i dunno how to.. lol..

God is literally a genius! =) the way He constructs our body and how exactly our body works.. with all the membrane channels and ions and hormones and wateva gradient here and there.. and it all automatically works.. OMG GOD IS AWESOME! =) =) =)

thus it is totally IMPOSSIBLE that creation evolved from evolution.. coz you jux gotta HAV that mastermind designer/creator behind it all.. its impossible that everythin jux pooofff and exists..

and i jux realized.. man you are one privileged dude =p

2011-05-28T00:06:00.001+08:00

the awesomeness of standin in between tommy and gabriel during worship.. =)

2011-05-27T01:02:00.002+08:00

now i feel so guilty for being so super ma fan =(

argh.. horrible me.. always too chong dong.. dang =(

2011-05-26T22:00:00.003+08:00

no.. come to think of it.. since im so free now.. i should blog more =)

hmmm

wat i planned to do this holiday..

1. pick up my guitar again (failed)

LOL.. yes coz i was too LAZY to do it.. gaahh.. i was supposed to get on youtube and learn step by step there.. guess it'll hav to wait.. =p

2. rot at home by watchin tons of tv and goin on9 (checked)

yup yupp.. enjoyed this one =p although it did seriously got boring at times..

3. watch movies (checked)

done and done =) both cinema and at home/other ppl's home =)

4. go hiking (checked)

went twice =) hahhaha.. realized that it is a very good way to burn off calories =p especially when im tryin to keep up =p

5. takin a trip to taylors lakeside and sunway uni (failed)

haiyaaa..

6. exercise more (checked)

b4 this month.. i was seriously lackin in exercise.. busy wit exams.. being lazy and etc.. but tada.. i've managed to exercise moree =)

7. hav an awesomeeee church camp (comin soon)

cant wait for this =) realized not long ago that it'll b my last church camp here =( next year sureee cannot go edi since got class.. (not to say this year dont hav la =p )

(checked)

hahahhahaa.. had an awesomeeee time in church camp! =) zanne's family literally adopted me and my sis for the whole camp.. =)

when we first stepped in into the hotel.. zanne and i were like woaaaahhhhh =p hahhahaha.. wasnt expecting it to look like that at all.. the pool view was realllyyy nice too.. then we saw the beach.. woaahh.. didnt know we were next to the beach as well.. lol..

so we stayed in the apartment.. 6 of us.. me esther michelle elizabeth penny and farrah.. and i met my senior in imu! pennyyy who's takin med! =)

food was gooodd.. =) the food we ate at jonker street also gooodd.. =p but one thing.. melaka.. super hot.. lol..

fell very sick on the second day.. immediate sore throat/inflammation after lunch.. after that tomyam vege.. lol.. not too sure but i bet its that one.. =p kept buyin water to drink coz i jux couldnt stop drinkin.. if not throat sakit again.. then had fever durin nite service.. and while i was sleeping.. i was thinkin.. aiya gone case edi la this time.. camp sick pula.. the next morning zanne's family took to the doc.. took med and got much better after a long nap in the hotel while they went treasure hunting in jonker street..

God calmed me down durin camp.. and He reminded me again of somethin that i ought to do.. thank God that He is ever so loving and merciful and full of grace =) i dont wanna b on the surface anymore.. gotta go deeper and deeper =)

this time its different =)

8. hangout wit frens (checked)

went to mv wit uni frens at the start of holidays.. =) went out wit amanda to pasar malam b4 cg =) went out wit zanne xan wen qi and darrell to klcc to watch thor =) went out wit zanne for badminton and ping pong and leisure mall to watch fast 5 =) went out wit zanne and xan to xan's house and zanne's house =) then went out wit zanne xan and wen qi to klcc for mpo's percussion performance =)

hahaha.. i realized i spent a lot of time wit zanne durin this holidays =) yaaayy =)

so it was a well spent holiday =) sem 2.. here i come! =)

2011-05-26T21:43:00.003+08:00

arghh nooooooo.. its already thursday! >< =p

oh my.. where did my holidays go? so fast that its endin already.. =(

but i had a meaningful month.. =) and more is yet to come soon =)

speechless

2011-05-19T13:22:00.003+08:00

its been so long since i've felt this carefree =)

not to say there aint issues goin on.. but everythin jux seems.. good =)

not worryin abt anything.. no need to be anxious/guilty abt studies.. no ppl problems.. no health probs (hopefully it doesnt come).. not much burdens.. lovely weather.. well yea you get it.. it feels.. relaxing =)

hahhhaah.. i wanna eat somethin.. somethin i havent ate in a long time.. new york cheese cake from secret recipe! =) man i even dreamt abt it last nite.. lol =p or or alexis' tiramisu.. mmmm =) or or famous amos.. yuuumm.. =)

perfect day for bruno's lazy song =)

2011-05-16T12:13:00.002+08:00

im happie that you're happier =)

lol.. emotions are contagious =)

yea.. but still.. i stand on the fact that everyone's jux a short link in each other's lives.. so treasure that link =)

movie craving..... done and done! =) gotta plan wats next =)

2011-05-14T14:25:00.001+08:00

gaahhh this dryness! >< arrgghhh jess.. wats wrong wit you laa.. =(

hahaha.. =)

2011-05-10T22:44:00.002+08:00

i looked back at some photos.. and i realized..

frankly.. i dunno wat to strive for and wat not to anymore..

2011-05-03T22:43:00.004+08:00

i read back my older posts.. my 2010 posts.. hahha.. and i find it a really good thing.. im comforting myself.. im reassuring myself.. and i can see wat God has done.. wat God has always been -- awesome and faithful =)

and i realized i havent posted up spontaneous blog posts this year.. lol.. this year everytime i post its only when i want to rant..

so now since im soo free now =p i shall update a bit =)

hmm..

university life.. ahh.. i havent started on this yet huh..

its very diff.. i prefer the sam way.. i prefer havin the exact same lecturers throughout.. i dont like that the lecturers now come and jux go after they finished their lectures.. i dont feel close to my lecturers.. me no likey.. ><

my timetable is one of a kind.. every day diff sub diff time diff everything! literally EVERY SINGLE DAY is diff.. let alone week.. so you gotta check ur timetable everyday..

imu is like an office block.. lol.. plus everyone's wearing formal wear.. it adds to the office-like atmosphere..

it took me some time to get used to the new environment.. but all's okie now.. still missing sam though.. =p

anyways.. i met some pretty awesomeee frens.. i couldnt thank God more for them.. very nice very friendly very caring ppl =)

im still searching 'why pharmacy?'.. coz i like to study med.. i do.. but im not too sure whether i want to..

God has His plans i trust =)

besides that..

oh yeaaa i didnt post that my person went to aussie! =p

well yea.. still missing her tons.. last year was jux awesomeee =)

i miss you person! =)

hahhaha.. erm besides that..

yea i dunno how or wat to comment abt that anymore.. lol.. but im still very much thankful and glad =)

im very much happie that we went through it.. =) wateva it is.. lol.. =p but im clear now.. clear view.. mmm.. good =)

hahahaaha.. why does it sound like a .......? when it isnt? =p

anywayss..

urs truly is happily enjoyin her one month holiday! =) =) =)

im not gonna let this month go to waste.. im got stuff planned.. ahh.. jux dunno whether some can execute or not..

i miss all of us hangin out.. its been since how long ago? january! ahh.. =p

2011-05-02T22:03:00.003+08:00

you know wat.. its okie.. jux go..

although i know and dont know wats goin on at the same time.. i know the overall picture.. yea i knew since like i dunno when.. =p im sorae.. for puttin this on you.. im sorae for crappin too much.. im sorae for being selfish to say those out.. im sorae that i started to take it in.. im sorae im crappin now again too.. it should hav been easier.. it shouldnt b this hard.. im sorae.. im sorae for being sorae..

most of it has been in my head after all.. including this.. sorae.. i cant do this anymore.. i cant.. i wont go where i went b4.. im not goin there again.. God took me out once.. this time it jux proves that its actually still hiding in me.. thank God for revealing that to me.. that i still need cleansing.. i still need Him.. =)

God has revealed my flaws.. flaws that i've asked Him to show me.. well.. i know that now.. yup its here.. im such a mess.. but I'm lettin God untangle me of that string.. that string that is hindering me to Him.. that is keepin me away from His greater plans..

if the past that was rough brought me now to the present that is bittersweet.. then im lookin forward to the future that i know would b much better =)

a Christian walk doesnt promise smooth sailing.. it doesnt mean that i dont feel wat most ppl feel.. it doesnt mean i dont face tough decisions and situations.. i do.. a lot.. it jux means that i hav a rock to cling onto.. i hav comfort from the One who is above all.. i hav peace that transcends all understanding.. strength to carry on.. and hope to look forward to.. =)

God would be like that to you too.. =) if you would jux believe.. hav faith.. you're worthy coz Jesus died on the cross for our sins.. feel that guilt and condemnation in you? that horrible indescribable feelin that's weighin you down and you dunno how to take away? yupp.. Jesus died on the cross to take exactly that away.. =) so that you may b FREE =)

and yes i got this last nite after being so horribly dry.. =) God is good.. all the time =)

im gonna b more independent.. i will be =)

but im gonna b even more dependent on Jesus.. becoz i know undeniably that i cant do it alone =)

i jux realized my posts are kinda emo.. LOL.. =p cmon cmon jess =)

2011-05-01T21:58:00.003+08:00

i dunno wat i want.. but i should b wanting wat God wants more.. rather than my own needs..

wat i thought i had.. was jux temporary.. gotta push in more.. it has to be more genuine.. it has been only on the surface.. gotta tap in more.. more into God's love.. =)

jux last week i felt so so passionate for Jesus.. His love that i felt was so amazing that no words could explain.. =)

but jux through one week of exams.. im dry again.. i didnt search Him i didnt spend time wit Him throughout that week.. it was more books more lecture notes more reading more memorizing more understanding.. that i drifted away..

thus that meant that my love for Him was jux so surface-ial..

but thank God that His mercies and grace is so sufficient.. =) His unfailing and unending love.. His work on the cross.. that He saved us all from eternal condemnation =) we are not judged any longer by how many good works or how well we can obey His law anymore.. we are worthy becoz of wat Jesus has done on the cross.. He died for us so that we are set free =)

im slowly goin back to Him.. i know i will.. coz He always brings me back.. always =)

one weakness i hav.. 3 minute hotness.. lol.. translate that into mandarin.. =p

and yea its complicated.. and i think i made it even more complicated.. lol..but it cleared off a few things.. but it is still complicated.. mayb its jux me =)

2011-04-24T17:10:00.003+08:00

a person is strong becoz of the fragile things that they've gone through..

2011-04-02T18:48:00.002+08:00

if someone really really wants to remain in ur life
they wont let 'us' go no matter wat or where or how you may be
they wont let you walk out of each other's lives

haha.. i admit i tend to be a bit too factual at times..

yes yes.. my blog has become a random and confusing blog.. =p

2011-03-24T19:45:00.002+08:00

argh.. im disappointed in myself for being soo lazy and out of focus! =( jess cmon la wei.. you can do so much better than this..

i think its my irregular sleepin habits thats kickin in my weird random mood swings..

jia you ar jia you ar jia you ar jia you ar jia you! =)

i need reorganizing..

2011-03-13T22:16:00.003+08:00

make an obvious one.. and i'll know where to go from there =) if not.. tell me im goin the wrong way.. and i'll turn the other way..

2011-02-08T13:19:00.003+08:00

jux realized that i havent given credits to God yet =)

letting go

isnt easy

when you're not entirely sure

wat exactly were you still holdin on to

let go let go

was told to me so many times during youth camp

and

im glad

that i finally did =)

that unknown thing that i kept inside

ate a lot of me

i was told by one beloved sis before

that yes Jesus does heal

but dont let the devil get a foodhold of it

he'll remind you of the bitter past

im glad

that im done wit it

after like 2 months

i can really officially say that

the bitterness is gone =)

ok ok i admit sometimes it comes back a bit

but

i knew that the past had to happen

so that i could be who i am today

if it wasnt for it

i would hav carried on doin the wrong thing

very very grateful that im done wit it =)

actually lookin back

it really really is those hard times

that makes you who you are today

those struggling times

makes you stronger

indeed God uses them to mould us

so that we can become better and better

without Him there wit me durin those times

i think i'd b a total mess now

emotionally etc

when its harder to get through that obstacle

the reward is bigger at the end

who how wat when where

life is full of uncertainties

but you know wat

its okie

coz God lights up your path

and guides you step by step =)

im really glad of everythin ryt now

but better b careful least i fall =)

2011-01-31T23:12:00.002+08:00

never knew i needed - neyo

dont let fear come in between
dont let fear override

you could actually realize that it was for the best =)

2011-01-20T13:40:00.002+08:00

had an awfully rough and tiring few weeks.. lacked sleep for the past 2 weeks plus.. sleepin at abt 1.30-2.30am everyday and waking up at abt 6-7am.. and i used to sleep at 11pm.. now im slowly replenishing my beloved sleep =)

some ppl step into your life so unexpectedly.. those whom you want them to remain in ur life leaves.. those whom you didnt expect to stay stays.. and there are also those whom you'll never b apart with no matter wat..

im the kind that.. grabs on to any remainin opportunities.. or i'd make my own opportunities.. dunno whether to say that my face is that thick or not.. but some chances are jux not meant to b wasted away..

wat to say

wat to do

one after another

i miss my person =)

2010-12-28T01:37:00.001+08:00

dont you be another one.. seriously dont..
and i better not repeat history again..

2010-12-13T12:26:00.001+08:00

jux read back a few of my oldest posts.. cant believe i talked like that.. lol..

time flies huh.. 2010's gonna end real soon.. treasure the last days of 2010 ppl =) for i bet 2011 is a huge leap for a lot of us..

2010-12-12T23:11:00.003+08:00

lol.. i hav no idea why im still posting.. since my only visitors are like advertisers..

hav you ever let a feeling eat you up inside?
a feeling that you've fed for quite some time
it grows you know
but im sick and tired of that feeling
i so want to b done wit it

but i miss those times
when i could go to you abt almost anythin
where r we now?

Jesus oh Jesus
pls help me forget that bitterness
allow me to recall back without hurting anymore
without a tear anymore
its time to close that chapter
and open our new one

one of my biggest weakness
is overthinkin stuff
honestly
a small small matter
i can think things kinda so far fetched that would make you go 'haiyo'

jumpin to conclusions
or makin my own conclusions
i hav to stop doin that

envy? jealous?
lol
why waste time on these
when wat belongs to you will belong to you

the past is gone
keep movin on
take your time

some things are not wat they seem
sigh

wat in the world am i crapping abt?
lol

at least i hav hope in Jesus
no matter wat happens
i know He's wit me =)

2010-12-04T16:54:00.002+08:00

takin one step at a time

or should i say took a step and backed a step and moving forward again?

lol

life's unpredictable

but worth walking

especially when you know that Jesus is there for you all the time =)

frenships come and go

cant they jux stay and not go?

seriously one thing i cant tahan

me overthinkin stuff

grr

=)

2010-11-27T23:24:00.002+08:00

why is it always so hard to start off?
but once we got it we got it
i didnt expect myself to smile by myself
LOL
emotional attachment/dependency?
not really anymore
coz its not the same anymore
done and done
but i missed you so much =)

2010-11-22T16:30:00.002+08:00

i still cant exactly believe that sam's over.. coz honestly.. it still feels like i've forgotten to do something.. there's a feeling that i've not done somethin yet.. oh well.. hav to get used to being free of sam! =p

the year started off really rough.. i can still remember the process of gettin into taylors.. and the process of taking physics instead of econs.. frankly.. i seriously thank God i took phy instead of econ.. =)

rememberin those early months of social shock i got.. ppl around me were so different from those that i had in high skol.. in high skol.. ppl are jux plain honestly nice.. no strings attached.. no motives in mind.. not much drama actually.. we were who were are.. but then till college.. woah.. lol..

but im glad to know each and everyone of them.. frenships that grew so much along the way.. frens that are so worth treasuring.. frens that im so so glad i didnt miss out on.. some were really really unexpected.. although we only had less than a year together.. i know that our frenship will last.. =)

and.. omg.. did you know how boring holidays are? LOL.. and this is like my first officially free day.. =p and im complaining.. wow.. ironic.. i've waited for this day to come since like forever..

anyways..

so many things hav happened this year.. well sort of.. =p

someone who came and left my life for some time.. you know.. im not sure whether some emotions in me are really there or jux made up.. why am i diggin it up again?

but im very very glad that through this i've found somethin else.. somethin that wouldnt hav come if some things didnt happen..

its like a whole new chapter.. or a new book if you would like.. unexpectedly indescribably happier =)

i've quoted this b4 and i shall quote it again..

a lot of ppl keep think abt the past and the future.. and we often neglected the present when we're talkin to someone.. our minds are so focused on wat happened and wat would happen.. we often forget to jux chill back and enjoy the time now.. the present..

sometimes it doesnt matter how some things are.. as long as you know that its real and its there.. =)

everyone thinks that this year has passed way too fast.. and i really mean EVERYONE.. cant imagine that in less than 2 months time its january again..

but life's worth walking.. especially when you hav Jesus walkin wit you.. coz you know that He will always be walking ryt beside you =)

2010-11-09T14:56:00.003+08:00

jux read through someone's blog.. so sweeett.. it made me go awwwww so many times.. aww =)

and it makes me wonder.. how my life is..

but you know wat.. if things could happen jux like that.. then im not in a hurry.. coz it'll hit me whenever the time is ryt =)

no need to worry abt the future.. how many ppl will leave me.. but jux.. jux.. treasure the times that all of us hav now =)

2010-11-03T20:56:00.001+08:00

God is forever awesome! =)

2010-10-24T22:33:00.002+08:00

seriously.. seriously.. i seriously hate this feeling.. i hate the feeling of being irresponsible.. hate the feeling that i've offended someone.. hate that i've done somethin wrong to someone.. i especially hate the feeling of offending my closest frens..

its been a whole 10 months since i've touched the border line of any relationships/frenships..

yea.. like someone said.. God wants me to go through this..

i dunno whyyyyy.. really really dunno why.. sighhhh.. oh God.. You work in so many ways that i jux couldnt understand.. but i know.. that You have plans to prosper me and not to harm me.. i jux cant see why im facin this circumstance now.. but i really do believe that its for a reason..

plus.. i have this very bad habit.. of thinking too much.. over thinkin stuff.. at times my mind takes over reality.. all caught up in fantasy.. grrrr..

sigh

i hope that everythin will turn out ryt again.. even better i hope =)

i thank God that when all things fail.. when there's no other way.. He's ALWAYS there.. and He.. never fails =)

2010-10-08T17:16:00.002+08:00

jux now at salvation.. i read a very interesting book..

its called prayer something.. or something? hahha.. i forgot.. its blue.. and got like a few puzzle pieces.. and it says on the cover how to be closer to God through prayer or somethin like that..

man.. i SERIOUSLY hav horrible memory..

anyways.. i flipped through this.. =)

sometimes we might feel like God's presence is not wit us.. FEEL.. of coz of coz without a doubt it IS ALWAYS wit us.. jux that somethin you cant feel it.. get it?

mmm.. then it says that.. becoz of this.. you will know how much you need and want God.. you will want to want Him more..

and its durin these times that we should look for Him more..

believe by faith and not by sight..

also also.. luv Him for who He is.. not only for wat He can do or wat He has done.. but also to luv Him for who He is.. =)

i would like to thank God for all my trials results.. and my forecast results.. couldnt hav done it without Him.. and i seriously mean it.. wouldnt hav gotten wat i hav without Him.. =)

=)

2010-09-26T23:27:00.002+08:00

some hurts are still left behind

hurts that were self made up

that the other party didnt purposely inflict on

but i somewat took it and made it into a hurt myself

and now it still remains

jux a bit

although i know i know that i shouldnt let it win

shouldnt let it take over my emotions

and make myself feel down

filled wit self pity

that reflected out a bit more like anger or ignorance

i remember how it happened

i remember how it felt

but is it worth it all

to remind myself of wat or how it felt last time

it really really isnt

coz honestly

its sort of self made up

was lost in fantasy

im not too sure

how am i handling it

im not too sure

whether i pushed those emotions to someone else

coz i tried to giv to you

but you wouldnt take

you pushed me away

wait

i think i found my source

you pushed me away

after all that we went through

you still pushed me away

i sort of realized my problem

evaluated my problem

on why you would do that and respond like how you did

and now

its becomin a fear

a fear that i would lose someone again

fear of losing someone close

is that why im hangin on to you so much?

i dunno

gee

i really really hate to be in my own fantasy

coz when i fell in too deep

its sooo hard to get out

so hard to face reality

so hard to convince myself of wats real and wats not

i ask myself

why is it still affecting me

unresolved situations?

unforgiveness?

or coz i didnt found out that the truth was

why and wat made it happened?

was it my fault?

but

attitude

my attitude will determine how i'll look at it

how i face this

how i shall grow stronger and better

i hav to allow God to cleanse me clean

let Him heal that hurt

that scar

that deep deep pit that i dug

i need Jesus

i need need You

coz i know

You're there for me EVERY single time i needed you

You're my Healer

You're my Provider

You're my greatest and bestest Comforter

You're Almighty and Powerful

You're kind and full of compassion and grace and mercy

You're ever loving

You're Everything =)

*takes deep breath*

okiee.. i shall face this.. i'll overcome this.. and become a winner-loser.. become a conquerer.. this shall not pull me down.. this shall not affect my present life.. my present emotions.. my present relationship wit other ppl around me..

a sister was ryt.. i must stand strong and not let it tempt me or pull me back down..

God is soooo much stronger.. only He knows very well how to deal wit me =)

wit all help from God =)

2010-09-06T23:56:00.002+08:00

this is such such such a beautiful psalm =)

psalm 103

Praise the Lord, O my soul:

all my inmost being, praise His holy name.

Praise the Lord, O my soul,

and forget not all His benefits-

who forgives all your sins

and heals all your diseases,

who redeems your life from the pit

and crowns you with love and compassion,

who satisfies your desires with good things

so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

The Lord works righteousness

and justice for all the oppressed.

He made known His ways to Moses,

His deeds to the people of Israel:

The Lord is compassionate and gracious,

slow to anger, abounding in love,

He will not always accuse,

nor will He harbor His anger forever;

He does not treat us as our sins deserve

or repay us according to our iniquities.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth,

so great is His love for those who fear Him;

as far as the east is from the west,

so far has He removed our transgressions from us.

As a father has compassion on his children,

so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him;

for He knows how we are formed,

He remembers that we are dust.

As for man, his days are like grass,

he flourishes like a flower of the field;

the wind blows over it and it is gone,

and its place remembers it no more.

But from everlasting to everlasting

the Lord's love is with those who fear Him,

and His righteousness with their children's children-

with those who keep His covenant

and remembers to obey His percepts.

The Lord has established His throne in heaven,

and His kingdom rules over all.

Praise the Lord, you His angels,

you mighty ones who do his bidding,

who obey His Word.

Praise the Lord, all His heavenly hosts,

you His servants who do His will.

Praise the Lord, all His works

everywhere in His dominion.

Praise the Lord, O my soul.

God is very unfair.. that He didnt punish us for our sins.. and instead saved us and gave us salvation. His love and mercy and grace is so great that we dont get wat we deserved.. we got so much more from Him instead..

isnt God soooo amazing? =) that although yes He gives judgement and justice.. but at the same time He is so compassionate and gracious..

His love covers over every single thing =) and that He has the best for you in mind.. =)

God is so so good! =)

and jux now.. as i was standing outside my house lookin at the sky before it rained.. it was so scary.. the sky was darkened.. wind blew so strongly.. the clouds moved so so fast.. the plants were moving back and forth..

as me and rocky stood there in silence.. i realized.. how weak and small we truly are.. if natural disaster stuck.. we'd b gone.. jux like that.. nature is so much stronger than humans are..

thus.. we need God all the more.. =)

and hence.. this proves how great and powerful our God is =)

and that.. during those times when we face problems face to face.. as in ok lets say a hurricane.. nobody.. nobody except God can save you =)

we're imperfect.. very very imperfect.. thats why we need God all the more to change us to mould us to become more and more like Jesus is Perfection =)

we deserved nothing.. but God gave us everything =)

2010-09-04T16:28:00.001+08:00

sometimes it jux feels so hard

to wonder whether to or not to

cross the fine thin line

but its no use

crossing it

if the other person doesnt

my blog's like DEAD.. the comments in my cbox are all advertisements.. grrr...

2010-08-14T19:26:00.002+08:00

for the past few days.. God has been telling me about one thing..

He is our Creator..

allow me to tell you more.. =)

we are God's masterpiece.. His fine work of art.. He doesnt create junk.. that would jux nullify His power..

Romans 9:20~21 - But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? "Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?' "Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?

it's like saying that you cant exactly ask God why He made you like how you are.. coz He is the Creator and He has every right to do so..

He has different plans for different ones of us.. each of us work in different areas.. but we are all working in ONE body..

ok so you're created by God.. then wat? well..

Romans 8:29 - For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the like ness of His Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.

God called you to be His people.. He foreknew and predestined you to be His beloved people.. and He doesnt stop there.. He continues to mould and refine you to be more and more like Jesus.. He doesnt leave you alone once He got you.. He conforms and transforms you even more..

First, He uses circumstances to bring us to our knees and to Him. Then, by grace He continues to use life's twists and turns to reshape us into more Christ-like persons..

We are God's unfinished work of art..

We are His works in progress..

slowly gainin more and more of the fruits of the Spirit and to be more closer to Him each day..

aint it amazing that He doesnt leave us jux like that? and that He keeps on workin in us to change us into a better person.. His love is so amazing that its a waste to not treasure it all the time..

2010-08-02T17:01:00.001+08:00

ooo.. my blog tooooo many words edi.. must put up pix..

next time =p

2010-08-02T16:47:00.002+08:00

falling out of luv is hard

the feeling that you've lost somethin in ur heart

when you listen to songs

there's no one you're referring it to

not missing anyone anymore

not thinkin abt him

not reminiscing memories

not hurting anymore

its a lie to say that im 100% over it

but i can say that im 95% + 0.09% over it =)

pretty good enough for me

since i dunno how to let go in the first place

but seriously thank God for His strength and grace

lol.. wat a time for jesse mccartney's jux so you know to play on my playlist..

it feels empty

but you know wat

its ok

allow God to fill in that emptyness

let Him complete my picture

psalm 34 is a real great comfort

im very very serious

not only for this

but also for studies

for stress

for life

for troubles

for a lot a lot of things

Jesus is awesome aint He? =) =) =)

2010-07-20T19:28:00.004+08:00

time is slowly bringing very very very very very saddening endings

but i guess its jux for the time being

i sudd feel that

i dont want time to pass

can i stay put here?

together wit everyone else

stay put here wit me

sigh

how can 3 of my closest ppl

leave me

one by one

can i ask that you guys dont leave

dont leave

although i know we gotta go through this

everyone has their diff futures

but

can you 3 dont leave me

sigghh

wat in the world am i talkin abt?

selfishnyaaa

grrrr

sighhh

>________<

its like we're all standing at the end of a road

with crossroads in front

and all of you are taking diff roads

and im still standing here

unable to go

unable to take my road

coz its not my turn yet

2010-07-12T17:18:00.002+08:00

hello =)

i'll try not to crap through my posts =)

i realized that.. knowing.. and.. understanding.. are two very very different things.. think abt it..

sam's halfway gone edi.. and im still slippin myself through.. i thank God so so much that He has brought me thus far.. halfway more to go and im done.. so fast eh? =) actually.. i think im startin to understand why He placed me in sam instead of other course.. but im not sure yet.. =)

of coz.. this is besides the fact that im wit my dearest dearest so po.. =p seriously seriously.. very seriously la.. i dunno where am i ever gonna find another one thats almost like you.. =) i cant imagine how my 'guy' is gonna top you.. =p

i've got so much to update on.. but it either that i forgot or im lazy to tell..

why am i still here?

after somethin diff or jux another excuse again?

but i seriously seriously thank God through everythin =)

im blessed and highly favored! =) and so are youuu! =)

2010-06-27T14:50:00.002+08:00

as you may know by now.. my grandpa passed away abt 2 weeks ago..

he was 95.. strong and healthy and free of diseases.. except for a come and go heartache recently.. he could still ride and push his bike to the nearby market at the age of 95! geng hor? =)

wat can i say abt him.. well.. he's a genuine china man who came to msia by boat.. he lived a very super tough life as a farmer.. who reared cows chickens ducks dogs etc.. i've heard that he worked day and nite at his farm durin the olden times..

now.. you could c his hardwork on his hands.. all 10 of his fingers were crooked.. literally.. i remember askin him that abt a month ago.. and he told me it was becoz of the work he'd done last time.. although he's really not a man of many words.. but he really really genuinely is an awesome person..

i remember......

when i was young i used to go to his house after kindy and primary skol.. i'd play wit all the chickens and dogs and lil chicks.. i had a grey hen whom i adored oh so much.. but they killed it to makan.. anywaayyysss..

i remember he'd give me this mini broom to hit the houseflies and giv them to the chickens to eat..

i remember he'd purposely keep some eggs for me to eat..

i remember once he took me out to the market but i got freaked out half way coz i saw a bee..

i remember his lil laughs and smiles

i remember how he'd keep me away from troubles from the dogs

i remember how he'd always sit on that seat on the sofa

i remember his arms and hands

i remember how he looked when he laid in his coffin

i remember how much we mourned for him

i know how much we miss him

especially my grandma

i know we're gonna see him again one day and that he's very happie wit God now

pls pls pray for my grandma

she's totally weak and frail now.. she keeps on talkin abt him.. and why did he went first b4 her and why he didnt bring her wit him.. and how good life is for him now.. that day she nearly nearly fell on the floor.. thank God for my aunt who was there to catch her..

i saw her a few days ago.. and she looks totally tired and frail..

thank God she still can eat a lot..

but she's really really vulnerable.. she cannot walk properly without bending almost 90 degrees.. literally.. she walks super slow.. and yet she still is so strong at heart.. i really honestly admire her a lot..

pls pray for her.. for strength to carry on wit her life.. for protection.. for joy for love.. for her to know and be strong in God more..

thank you =)

2010-05-30T15:48:00.001+08:00

aww.. isnt this so so so so so sweet?? =)

not that im missing a particular someone.. its jux so sweet.. =)

aww.. snoopy snooppyy =)

2010-05-29T15:26:00.004+08:00

i shall blog wit only words.. no pix..

jux joking.. =p

got PPL complain edi.. still dare meh? =)

ok ok.. so.. as you should have already known.. urs truly wants to eat less ma ryt.. ok fine.. if you dont know.. now you know.. =)

so.. that day.. i wasnt that hungry.. so i ordered a kid's meal at Mdm Kwan's.. the waiter was like:

'ermm.. this one for kids one..'

'yea i know'

'its small'

'yea i knoww'

'they'll serve you wit a kiddy plate wit kiddy fork and spoon'

'ooo.. ermm.. nvm de laaaa.. haha.. *thinkin that it couldnt b that bad*'

'oh.. ok.. '

and thus.. when the fork and spoon arrived.. they gav to esther and esther was like.. NOOO.. not for me.. LOL.. then fine.. these two things are funnie enough.. then the food came.. and i was like.. O.O!!!!!!! LOLLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOL! you wanna know whyy? refer to the pic below

=) annnndddddddd.. yup.. i ate this.. LOL =)

anyways.. talkin abt food.. me and cass went to pyramid yesterday's yesterday.. went to fullhouse.. awesome environment plus awesome food.. =)

and im telling you.. you better b prepared to see a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot of cassie in my blog.. =p dunno whether its a GOOD thing or BAD thing le horrrrrr?????? =p

speaking of cassie.. you wanna know where she made me go the other day?

introducing.. tmn billion's petronas..

and wat for you ask?

THESE.. CANDY..

walked all the way down to petronas after 1st service to get her beloved candy.. tsk tsk..

this is my proof that i was there.. AHA! =)

anyways.. esther celebrated her 10th bday last month.. lol.. wit my fellow koinos members.. =)

her bugs bunny cake.. =)

we were eating these at abt 11pm.. LOL

and oh gee.. i miss my koinos.. =( so so seldom go for koinos edi.. =( hmmmm......

they're awesome awesome ppl! seriously.. everyone of them.. awwwww..... if only cg didnt clash wit koinos on fridays..

isnt he so so adorable? =) he teman-ed me last 2 months ago.. when i was locked out of my house.. due to the fact that my dad drove off when he dropped me home.. and i had no keys.. so.. rocky was my buddy for the day.. =)

can you spot the rainbow? =)

our bio project we did.. =) took us less than 4 hours to finish..

LOL.. OK OK.. so as you can see.. these things are like ancient events.. sorae lo.. i lazy to upload ma.. =)

anyways.. mid sem break is finally heree! =) yayyyyyy =)

and and.. church camp is comin soonn! =)

and and.. ermmm

im gonna hav my drivin exam soon.. =)

and and..

ooo.. if im studyin locally.. i'd most probably study in IMU next year for pharmacy.. coz monash is so super expensive.. unless a scholarship is in my hands.. and unless i somehow somehow or rather am able to go overseas straight lu..

hmmmmmmmm......................

pharmacy.. i've looked through a bit of the syllabus in imu.. a lot of bio stuff.. yayyy =) dont you jux luv bio? hahahahahahaha.. =)

oh its gonna rain.. im gonna hav my driving lessons in like half an hour.. oh ooo...

so random hor my blog? =)

and i shall not blog anymore abt you.. =)

2010-05-24T17:19:00.001+08:00

i realized at the end of almost every paragraph..

i hav a smiley face.. =)

2010-05-23T22:00:00.002+08:00

mid term exams.. was horrible.. but still.. thank God for everything =) He has His greater plans.. =)

went for run for the nation.. it was awesomeee! =) but honestly.. thank God so so so much for it lo.. for the stamina and endurance.. coz honestly.. i cant run that far.. in my housing area ryt.. i tried to run.. the most i could always always run was 3 minutes.. LOL.. imagine that.. LOL.. after 3 min i auto will stop and start breathing in out in out edi..

so you bet i was SUPER NERVOUS abt the run on sat.. plus.. i was gonna run wit xan darrell and cher and zanne.. xan was well well enough to catch up.. then sudd zanne couldnt make it.. change to james.. waaahhh... tension mannnnnnnn.. 2 athletes.. twwwoooooo!

on fri nite.. durin cg itself i worried edi you knoww.. =) then i was worried all the way back home.. then God told me.. heeyy.. who said you cant run 5km? who said you cant? then i was like.. erm.. me? then He gav me the motivation and confidence that i could.. wit assurance of His Word.. Phippians 4:13 - i can do everything through Him who gives me strength.. then i was like.. ok jess.. you can run 5 you will run 5 and you SHALL run 5km! (ok although i think ours was like 3.3km?)..

so the next day morning.. i was kinda still worried.. kinda.. thus was a bit out of place.. when the previous team came.. i was like.. ok jess this is it.. trust God trust Him.. then we started running.. opps.. jogging actually.. the whole run wasnt as horrible as i thought.. seriously.. coz we kept stopping at road junctions and traffic lights.. so it was ok.. then i ran behind xan.. coz when he run i will run.. which was very very very suprisingly ok.. run ar run ar.. ahhaa.. it felt kinda easy to run.. God's strength and stamina and endurance.. literally! =)

Thank God so so so much all of us were safe.. coz we were running along main roads and main areas.. Thank God for the awesome weather.. Thank God for Beatrice who was our team manager.. Thank God for awesome awesome amazing team mates.. Thank God for the previous and next team.. Thank God for the mamak stall that provided me my toilet b4 the run.. Thank God that we managed to visit my previous church.. Thank God im in charis now.. Thank God for His promise and His Word.. Thank God for His comfort.. Thank God for this event.. Thank God for everything.. literally! =)

i cant wait for friday.. coz it'll finally b holiday.. =)

you know wat.. i realized.. i hav some of the most awesomest frens.. and its not only one or two.. a lot of you guys are awesome.. real true frenz.. Thank God so so much for you ppl.. luv you guys tons tons tons! =)

i miss my high skol frens.. i miss frens that i've lost contact wit.. i miss those who went overseas.. i miss my primary skol frens.. i miss those whom i was so so close wit.. i miss my current besties.. i miss my current awesome awesome frens.. i miss.. i miss i miss.. hahaha.. so many ppl to miss.. =)

i didnt get jpa.. i didnt get jpa.. but i trust God has His bigger plans for me and for those who didnt get it as well.. =)

oohh.. i find ryan higa very very funnie.. =) i find that ryan cabrera has an awesome voice.. two ryan-s.. lol.. =) oooooooo.. speakin of ryan cabrera.. his song is on my hp now.. =) =) =)

i realized that chinese songs gives diff feelings from eng songs.. dunno why.. both got their awesomeness.. =)

cant wait for andrew's weddingg! =)

cant wait to finish sam.. =)

suddenly so random pula.. =p

2010-05-16T08:32:00.002+08:00

hhhahhahaa.. finallyy =) im lookin forward to the next one in the future =)

no more wasting time etc etc

mid term exams starts tmrw.. and clever me didnt study finish yet.. =( sciadd sciadd dei edi..

you know wat.. guys wit awesome voices rawk a kazillion maannn! =) heart melting voices that makes you go siggghhhhhh =) hahhaa..

actually o.. i got a lot to blog de lo.. jux lazy to refresh my memory to think wat im supposed to blog abt.. ehehe.. you wait til my mid exam finish first la.. then i tell you.. then i post one long long one k? =)

phy bio chem maths.. gambattee =)

2010-04-28T19:35:00.002+08:00

its been sooo long since i updated.. haha.. but still better than 'someone' who hasnt updated since march! =p

ok wats been goin on.. ermm

assignments.. tests.. assignment.. tests..

sigh.. and coz i've been takin comin back home as a break.. so i dont do much at home... which is really really killing me.. suffering mann..

cant believe that sam is like 20% of how uni life will be.. =(

thank God after mid sem exam not sooo busy anymore.. =)

thank God that i always have Him.. although sometimes it feels like He's far away.. but He's always always here.. =)

recently.. abt a week or 2 ago.. i've been havin these weird weird dreams.. 3 nites continuously.. all diff dreams.. but still one same point.. spiritual?

first was..

i was in this weird gloomy place.. realm? like dead ppl realm or somethin.. it seems like earth but feels very very wrong.. greyish de.. then like got ppl dying here and there.. those eerie eerie stuff..

second was.. i went to this supposingly indian temple.. which had tons and tons and tons of smoke.. then got somethin in a cage or something.. dunno why i went in the first place anyway..

third i forgot.. =p

the weirdest part is that.. usually when i sense that im dreaming these stuff.. i'd wake myself up forcefully.. then i'd pray a prayer to make it go away to make wateva or whoeva that's causing it to go away.. but those few days i didnt.. dunno whyyyyy i keep dreaming only.. hmmm..

when i woke up.. felt so much fear in me.. felt so scary.. felt so wrong.. then i prayed prayed prayed.. and it went away.. =)

i've learnt that.. i took God's divine presence for granted.. His presence.. is always peace luv joy comfort safety.. always always.. and these dreams made me realized how much i dont want to b in somethin else's presence.. which provides nothing but fear.. and realized how much i dont want to serve somethin else that isnt Jesus.. =)

yerr.. scary scary.. haha.. but anythin except the fear of God isnt from God.. so.. push the not from Jesus fears away away away.. =)

Jesus is awesomely awesome! =) all things good describe Him.. seriously.. =) example.. luv.. compassion.. hope.. grace.. mercy.. patience.. endurance.. forgiveness.. literally everythin good is God.. =)

2010-04-15T20:10:00.002+08:00

LOL.. i've got sooooo many pix to post up..

*clicks on add image icon*

*new window opens*

*clicks on my pictures*

*browsed*

*hesitated for 3 seconds*

*closed window*

hahahaha.. i lazy laaa.. =p next time laa har.. =p

hmm.. finally a day where i can relax a bit.. these few weeks has jux been totally hectic man.. today got one homework only.. opps.. 2 actually.. finallyyy.. =)

and this is sooo true.. im startin to REALLY REALLY TREASURE WEEKENDS.. coz its jux that ecstatic.. =)

so many stuff happened lately.. too many to sudd recall.. =)

i've learnt one thing.. that when you uphold a prob into God's hands.. He will surely handle it for you.. trust hope and persevere.. =) Jesus is AWESOME! =)

the passion alive conference was awesome! =)

Luke 12 : 31 - But seek first His kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well

put God first at ALL times.. =) coz He deserves to be.. and He is God.. so.. =)

失去了的

可以现在开始得回来吗？

2010-04-05T13:20:00.002+08:00

lol.. since i didnt go college today.. i shall blog.. =p

how horrible yesterday was:

1. we went allllll the way to ipoh to pay respect to my deceased grandpa.. when we got there the caretaker.. who was extremely extremely fierce said the place is closed and he wouldnt let us into the building.. my dad persuaded and persuaded he still said no.. and he said.. if i let everyone who comes in late to go in.. then i'll b here still at nite lo!

2. jux yesterday i realized that i had to giv my high skol headmistress to certify certain documents for the jpa interview.. and at that time i was on the way back from ipoh in the evening.. congrats ryt?

3. the traffic jam lasted for 2 hours plus.. instead of reachin home at abt 8.30 we reached at 10.30

4. found out that kuen cheng high skol was not open on monday due to qing ming holiday.. and the possibility of havin no teachers at all was high..

5. my mom didnt have her salary slip yesterday for the jpa today which means i lacked a document for jpa

6. my hp credit was RM 0.00

7. went to kc high this morning.. TOTALLY NO TEACHERS.. NOT EVEN ONE.. no need to say the headmistress la kan..

so we left.. and went to a government skol to try whether they would certify for me.. tmn desa.. went there lookin soooo weird coz i was wearin formal wear.. went to the office.. then the principal was not in.. and all the teachers were leaving for ASSEMBLY.. no one would sign anythin for me.. which also meant that almost every other skols were havin assembly..

and this is how awesome God is:

1. finally the care taker let us in.. for less than 10 minutes.. i literally was in tears edi at that time coz seriously all the way from kl to ipoh for nothing???!!!! and thank God we found my grandpa and uncle and aunty.. =)

2. He reminded my dad that i need to certify documents

3. found no skol at all to certify.. so went straight to putrajaya.. reached jux b4 8am.. went in to register and hand over documents.. i was like how ar how ar? i didnt certify? =( then the very happie lookin lady went.. its okiee.. you can hand in b4 friday.. and i was like PHEWWWW.. THANK GOD! =) =) =) coz some interviews wont let you in if you didnt hav complete documents..

4. sat down next to this girl.. talked to her and realised her name was on top of mine.. talk talk talk.. one of the nicest strangers i've ever met! =)

5. went off to toilet.. came back and sat down next to this singh guy.. talk talk talk.. then realised that we were in the same group.. coz 5 ppl go in at one shot..

6. realized that the girl i talked to b4 was in my group too.. =)

and i realized when i ask hey hav to prepared wat to say ltr? both of them went.. =( i dunnooo.. lol.. =)

7. went in the room.. 3 panels.. 5 students.. ask ask ask.. discuss.. talk.. etc.. you could say it went well.. =) thank God! =)

8. all 4 of them are takin medicine.. im the only one takin pharmacy.. a bit more advantage? =)

9. were the first few ppl to start off the day.. so the panels wont b tired or anything =)

10. one of the weirdest thing ever.. remember i told you my credit was RM0.00? yeaa.. then i totally forgotten abt that.. when i jux received news that i could hand in my certified documents b4 friday i smsed my dad.. 016 number.. then he sent back 'ok'.. ltr on i wanted to send a sms to a fren.. then i couldnt.. then only i remembered.. ehhh! my hp no credit de worrrrrr..... HOW IN THE WORLD DID I SEND A MSG WITH NO CREDIT? lol lol.. =) God wants to ensure my parents that it was ok.. hahahahahaha.. =)

all in all... seriously.. THANK GOD! =) i was sooo totally worried yesterday... super super worried.. my parents and i were.. coz we were all yelling at each other.. lol..

the one thing i learnt again and again.. TRUST IN GOD.. He will make everythin ryt.. =)

ok so i hav this other situation ryt.. it has been for quite some time edi.. another thing i learnt from this.. forgiveness.. =) then trust that God will do the rest.. coz i relied on my own ability to work stuff out.. and tada it didnt work out.. so truly let Him help me.. and tada.. things are gettin better already.. =) =) =)

God is an Almighty LIVING God.. =) and we're truly truly blessed to hav Him.. =) =) =)

2010-04-02T17:02:00.002+08:00

i realized.. i had to change my 7teen to 8teen.. =)

its the weekends edi!! seriously seriously.. can heave an enormous sigh of relief!! no college no assignments to rush like mad.. yayyyyy!! =) seriously yayyyyy! =)

for the past 2 weeks.. almost everyday also rush assignments.. jux english and chemistry alone can kill me edi..

do do do.. find source.. read allll the sources.. find relevant sentences.. underline key words.. write draft.. correct here and there.. minus words coz i wrote too much.. check here and there.. bla bla bla..

for 2 weeks

especially these few days.. come home at abt 4 or 5.. rest a lil lil lil bit.. then start doin assignment til midnight..

yesterday even worse.. came back at abt 7.. shower.. started doin b4 8.. ate dinner at 10.. continue doin til 1.30am.. woke up at 6.. =(

and i usually sleep at 10.30..

thank God thats over...... =)

for a short while..

coz still got bio phy and maths.. =(

i honestly seriously wonder how ppl manage their time.. coz there's jux NO TIME to do finish everythin.. i've not been doin maths for a few days and i dunno wat they are talkin abt edi.. =(

tons of catchin up on every subject to do.. tons and tons..

ok ok.. stop the stress edi.. hahahaha.. coz i feel like goin to do work now..

anyways...

today is good friday!! =) and it really is an awesome friday.. coz Jesus died on the cross for us to save us today! =) isnt He jux amazingly awesome awesome? =)

i shouldnt b on9in now.. ciaoooooo.. =)